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| Adolescents Worried about Self-injury? What is self-injury? Self-injury is a way of dealing with very
difficult feelings that build up inside. People deal with these feelings
in various ways. Here are some examples:
Some people think that the seriousness of
the problem can be measured by how bad the injury is. This is not the case
- a person who hurts themselves a bit can be feeling just as bad as
someone who hurts themselves a lot. Self-injury can affect anyone. It is a lot
more common than people think. Many people hurt themselves secretly for a
long time before finding the courage to tell someone. Why do people do it? 'I think control's a big thing. You can't
control what's happening around you, but you can control what you do to
yourself.' Everyone has problems in their lives and
often people look for help. But sometimes it's hard to cope or even to put
feelings into words. If they get bottled up inside, the pressure goes up
and up until they feel like they might explode. This is the point where
some people injure themselves. 'I didn't think there was any way out of my
situation, so I took loads of tablets. I felt so bad I just wanted to
die... and I nearly did. Now things are different, and I'm so glad to be
alive.' What makes people so
stressed? There are lots of things:
When a lot of problems come together, they
can feel too much. If you're also feeling vulnerable, it's hard to cope as
well as you normally do. Thinking about stopping There are lots of reasons why you might
want to stop injuring yourself, although you might not know what else to
do to help you cope. Here are some feelings that you might recognize...
'It helps a lot when I can be with someone
I trust. I need people to understand me, support me. I need to be treated
normally - just like anyone else. Not like a mad person. I'm not mad. I've
just got problems because of what happened in my past. Something happens -
and suddenly all the memories and feelings come back.' When self-injury becomes a way of coping
with stress it is a sign that there are problems that need sorting out.
Help or support may be needed from family, friends, or others. Helping yourself If you have worries that make you want to injure yourself, you might want help to change. This section is about what you can do to help yourself. Thinking about why you do
it Lots of people don't know why they harm
themselves and it can be scary to become aware of how you feel and why.
Stopping self-injury is easier if you can find other ways of coping. To do
this, you'll first need to have a clear idea of why you do it. Many people
find it useful to talk to someone who is trained to help. Here are some questions
that may be helpful for you to think about:
When you feel upset, what helps you to
cope? Some people find it helpful to be with a friend, talk to someone
they trust, make a phone call, exercise, or do something else they enjoy.
Others find it helps to paint or draw, listen to music or write feelings
down in a diary or letter (even if it's not to send). What helps you? Deciding to get help Sometimes, however hard you try to stop
injuring yourself on your own, you can't. 'The feeling of wanting to hurt myself
would build up. I could put off doing it for a while but I couldn't last
forever. I knew I had to get help.' If you feel like this, it probably means
that you need to talk to someone you can trust. This needs to be someone
who will listen to you, talk about how you feel and give practical help.
There could be a real risk that you could harm yourself permanently or
perhaps even die. If you feel your life is in danger it is
very important to get help. You can make an emergency appointment to see
your doctor. Who can you trust to
listen? 'Cutting myself is such a private thing. I
find it hard to talk to other people about how I feel. They don't
understand. They think I'm seeking attention - that's the last thing I
want.' When you have thought of someone to talk
to, it helps to be prepared: 1. Where and when would you tell them? Think of a way to look after yourself if
they respond in a way which isn't what you'd hoped. Remember, the first
person you speak to might not be able to help. This may not be their fault
- or yours. Don't give up - it does matter that you try again. What if you can't talk to
someone you know? If there is no-one you feel you can trust
at the moment, you could try a telephone helpline. They can be very
helpful when there's no-one else you can turn to. They can make you feel
more relaxed and able to speak than you might think - and it's up to you
when you finish the conversation. It's sometimes easier to talk to someone
trained to help, who doesn't know you. There are a lot of places that offer advice
and help. Some addresses are given at the end of this booklet. You could
contact a youth counseling service Your doctor or school nurse should be able
to advise you about what support is available locally. They could refer
you to someone who has experience of helping people who self-injure. 'What helped was having someone to talk to
who was reliable and didn't rush me. I haven't done anything to myself for
ages now. Sometimes I feel like it, but I don't need to do it any more,
and the feeling goes.'' The person you see will want to help - and
won't think you are stupid, mad or wasting their time. The service is
confidential (they should explain what this means and also the rare times
when they will have to tell someone else) - no-one else will know what
you've talked about. They are used to talking to people who have all sorts
of worries. They can help you work out what's bothering you, even if
you're not sure what to say. Although it can take a lot of courage and
determination, it's important to keep trying. You will find the right
person to help you in the end. Friends and family - how
you can help 'Cutting was always a very secret thing...
You feel so ashamed, so bad about yourself. You feel no one will ever
understand.' If you are worried about someone who is
self-injuring and want to help, this section tells you some things you can
do. Friends and family have a really important
part to play. You can help by:
It may be difficult to understand why
someone injures themselves. You may feel shocked, angry or even guilty. It
can also be hard to know how to help. Here are some suggestions:
What to do if the situation
looks dangerous 'She made me swear I wouldn't tell anyone.
I knew if I did she would have hated my guts. On the other hand, if I
didn't, she could have died and I would have felt it was my fault. I did
tell someone, but she wouldn't speak to me after.' Someone may tell you that they are hurting
themselves and ask you to keep it a secret. This can put you in a very
difficult situation. Of course, it's important to respect their wish for
privacy. But if you think their life is in danger it is important to get
help as soon as you can. You may be able to work out together who
would be the best person to tell. If not, try and let them know that you
had to tell someone, and why. Remember that your feelings
matter too
Note: I forgot where I got this information
from... :-(
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