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Question:
i am under the impression that "asking the experts" can help w/ personal problems. i was raped when i was six by my babysitters relative i have no idea who he is and i never told my parents. my parents were always working and send me to the babysitter all the time i was only raped once. my parents are now divorced and i live off campus  my mom i see, but i have not seen my dad in a very long time i always wanted to tell them but wasnt sure how to. they told me to always tell em if something went wrong its just that they always argued and were so into their issues i never bothered and was scared. i have never really delt w/ this problem but ive been at therapy off and on for more then a year w/ two different counselors ive never told em either b/c i was dealing w/ my parents and school issues also afraid. i now dont see any one for therapy its been a year i feel more sad and down then ever i lost my motivation and i try to get it back but it is super hard i really want to talk to some one muslim who will understand and give my islamic way of dealing w/ this. i am evenn a bit nervous about writing you but hope i can find an answer. i like to think im a strong person and want to live my life very successfully but sometimes i think back on what happend and just cry or feel sad for my self im 22 years old now and dealing w/ alot i tried geting help but i just cant do it face to face i dont want people to know what happened. so if you may pls tell me what to do.

Response:
As Salam Aleikum

Childhood sexual abuse is a very painful experience, it affects a person in so many different ways, especially since a child is not even capable of handling the intense feelings that go with it.  However, you can heal from it.  SA survivors lead happy and productive lives once they have dealt with this problem. 

You don't have to tell your parents if you don't feel comfortable with it, but DO get help, start working with a psychotherapist that specializes in working with SA issues.  SA issues run deep since it affects the ability to trust and love others.  Self-esteem is generally poor, depression and anxiety is also part of the dynamics.  Shame, guilt, anger, feeling worthless are also part of it.  Many feel as if they could or should have stopped it and since they didn't it is their fault. 

I would encourage you to read more about it so you can understand how deeply and in how many areas of your life it affects you.  A good book to start with is 'The Courage to Heal' by Davis and Bass.  Do the exercises they recommend.  Dealing with SA is tough, painful and takes a long time; but one does heal from it.  You are worth spending your energy on healing.

From the Islamic perspective, abusing anyone is wrong, be it child, adult, male or female.  Islam puts the responsibility of our healing on us.  Islam teaches us to leave places that are abusive and where we cannot be safe in living a harmonious life.  Although this ayat is not directly about sexual abuse, it can be understood to tell us that we owe it to ourself to get out of abusive situations.  Another ayat states that God does not change the condition of a people unless they change themselves.  I understand both ayaat to encourage victims of abuse to learn to take care of themselves.

The beautiful end is that healing will bring you to a point that you will feel good about yourself, you will lead a happy and content life and will be productive.  Allah Ta'ala is very merciful and generous with people who work hard at improving their condition.  His rewards are so beautiful and loving that you will be amazed and even grateful.

Regards,
Uzma Mazhar