| Husband's Emotional Abuse
Question:
I am a Muslimah of two years married to a Muslim man for two years. I am this man's third wife this is my first marriage. My husband is an authoritarian. He rules over me. However he does not support me in any way he blames me and makes me feel guilty for everything bad that happens in our marriage. He does not take any responsibility. The two things that I don't like the most is that I fear his anger whenever anything bad happens. He is not physically abusive but he is emotionally abusive towards me. The second thing is he is dishonest. He lies and cheats to keep from having to pay. For example he had surgery he told the hospital that he was not married nor did he have a job therefore he did not have any insurance or money to pay for the surgery. The hospital covered the entire costs. He was married he did work and he had insurance thru my employer. He had no remorse or felt no guilt for doing this. He has done other things as well that have been dishonest. I can't seem to get him to understand that I do not like the things that he does. I have lost all respect and trust in him. What should I do???? Should I stay or leave????
Response:
As Salam Aleikum
It is really sad that your husband is acting the way he is. Unethical behaviors are not the Islamic way to be. We are told to keep our promises and to be fair and just. Also Islam teaches us that we are to treat our families in a loving and caring manner. Allah Ta'ala has given women the right to seek divorce in situations that they are uncomfortable with. There is a hadith about a lady who went to the Prophet (saw) and asked for a divorce, the reason she gave was that she did not care for her husband and did not feel she could meet the marital demands which would be unfair on the husband. She was permitted to divorce.
Family is very important in Islam but not at a cost to the woman's well-being. The fact that your husband had 2 previous divorces may be an indicator as to why those women didn't stay with him either. If possible talk to his ex-wives, it may help you decide, since sometimes we look for confirmation about situations in an attempt to make sure that we are not the one blowing it out of proportion. Though you should trust your own instincts and values. Trust and respect are keys to a good marriage.
The final decision about leaving or staying has to be yours, you are the only one who really and truly knows how it feels being in that situation, and you are the only one who knows whether you can tolerate this situation, or if it is coming in the way of your own spiritual growth. Go with what your deepest self guides you with. Do
istikharah if you want.
May Allah Ta'ala make this struggle easy for you and give you courage to do what is right.
Regards
Uzma Mazhar |
