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| Men and Depression Depression
is an illness that affects both men and women. However, mental health
professionals see far fewer men with depression than women
with depression. It is likely that men suffer from depression just as
often as women, but that they are less likely to ask for help. Depression causes a huge amount of
suffering. It is a major reason for people taking time off sick from
their work. Many people who kill themselves have been depressed - it is a
potentially fatal disorder. However, it is easily treatable and best
treated as early as possible. Men need to know what it is and how to
get effective help. Everybody has times in their lives when
they feel down or depressed. This is usually for a good reason and does
not last for a long time or take over your life. However, if these
feelings go on for a long time, or become very severe, you may find
yourself stuck, utterly unable to get out of the depression. This is what
doctors call a depressive illness. Some people suffer from manic
depression (also called Bipolar
Affective Disorder). They have periods of bad depression, but also
times of great elation and over-activity. These can be just as harmful as
the periods of depression. Signs and Symptoms of Depression Other people may notice that: The Way Men Think About Themselves The way that men think about themselves can
be quite unhelpful. Compared with women, they tend to be far more
concerned with being competitive, powerful and successful. Most men
don’t like to admit that they feel fragile or vulnerable, and so are
less likely to talk about their feelings with their friends, loved ones or
their doctors. This may be the reason that they often don’t ask
for help when they become depressed. Men tend to feel that they
should rely only on themselves and that it is somehow weak to have to
depend on someone else, even for a short time. This traditional view of how men should be
- always tough and self-reliant - is also held by some women. Some men
find that owning up to their depression actually results in their partner
rejecting them because of this. Even professionals sometimes share this
view, and may not diagnose depression in men when they should. Instead of talking about how they feel, men
may try to make themselves feel better by using alcohol or drugs. This
will usually make things worse in the long run. Their work will suffer and
alcohol often leads to irresponsible, unpleasant or dangerous behavior.
Men also tend to give their work a higher priority than their home life,
which produces conflicts with their wives or partners. All of these
things have been shown to make depression more likely. For married men, research has shown that
trouble in a marriage is the most common single problem connected with
depression. Men can’t cope with disagreements as well as women.
Arguments actually make men feel very physically uncomfortable. So, they
try to avoid arguments or difficult discussions. This often leads to the
situation where a man’s partner will want to talk about a problem, but
he will not and will do his best to avoid talking about it. The partner
feels that they are being ignored and tries to talk about it more, which
makes him feel he is being nagged. So, he withdraws even more, which
makes his partner feel even more that they are being ignored . . . and so
on. This vicious circle can quite easily destroy a relationship. Men have traditionally seen themselves as
being the leaders in their family lives. However, the process of
separation and divorce is most often started by women. Of all men, those
who are divorced are most likely to kill themselves, probably because
depression is more common and more severe in this group. This may be
because, as well as losing their main relationship, they often lose touch
with their children, may have to move to live in a different place, and
often find themselves hard-up for money. These are stressful events in
themselves, quite apart from the stress of the break-up, and are likely to
bring on depression. Depressed men feel less good about their
bodies and less sexy. Many just go off sex completely. Studies
suggest that, in spite of this, men who are depressed have intercourse
just as often, but they don’t feel as satisfied as usual. A few
depressed men actually report increased sexual drive and intercourse,
possibly as a way of trying to make themselves feel better. Another
problem may be that some anti-depressant drugs will also reduce sex-drive
in a small number of men who take them. It’s worth remembering that it can happen
the other way round. Impotence (difficulty in getting or keeping an
erection) can bring about depression. Again, this is a problem for which
it is usually possible to find effective help. We have known for many years that some
mothers feel severely depressed after having a child. It is only
recently that we have realized that more than 1 in 10 fathers also suffer
psychological problems during this time. This shouldn’t really be
surprising. We know that major events in people’s lives, even good
ones like moving house, can bring about a period of depression. And
this particular event changes your life more than any other.
Suddenly, you have to spend much more of your time looking after your
partner, and the children. On an intimate level, new mothers tend to
be less interested in sex for a number of months. Simple tiredness is the
main problem, although you may take it personally and feel that you are
being rejected. You may have to adjust, perhaps for the first time, to
taking second place in your partner’s affections. You will also probably
find that you have to spend less time at work. New fathers are more likely to become
depressed if their partner is depressed, if they aren’t getting on with
their partner, or if they are unemployed. This isn’t important just from
the father’s point of view. It will affect the mother and may have
an important impact on how the baby grows and develops in the first few
months. Leaving work, for any reason, can be
stressful. Recent work has shown that up to 1 in 7 men who become
unemployed will develop a depressive illness in the next 6 months. This is
much more than would be expected in employed men. In fact, after
relationship difficulties, unemployment is the most likely thing to push a
man into a bad depression. This isn’t surprising, as work is often the
main thing that gives a man his sense of worth and self-esteem. You may
lose symbols of your success, such as the company car. You may have to
adjust to looking after the home and children, while your wife or partner
becomes the bread-winner. From a position of being in control, you may
face a future over which you have little control, especially if it takes a
long time to find another job. It is more likely to happen if you are shy,
if you don’t have a close relationship or if you don’t manage to find
another job. Of course, if you get depressed, you may well find it harder
to get another job, which may make your depression worse. Retiring from paid employment can be
difficult for many men, especially if their partner continues to work. It
may take some time to get used to losing the structure of your day and
contact with workmates. On the whole, gay men do not suffer from
depression any more than straight men. However, it seems that gay
teenagers and young adults are more likely to become depressed, possibly
due to the stresses associated with coming out. Men are around 3 times more likely to
kill themselves than women. Suicide
is commonest amongst men who are separated, widowed or divorced and is
more likely if someone is a heavy drinker. Over the last few years men
have become more likely to kill themselves, particularly those aged
between 16 and 24 years and those between 39 and 54 years. We don’t yet
know why this should be so, but it is very worrying. 2 out of 3 people who kill themselves have
seen their doctor in the previous 4 weeks and nearly 1 in every 2 will
have done so in the week before they kill themselves. 2 out of 3 people
who kill themselves will have talked about it to friends or family. Asking if someone is feeling this way will
not put the idea into his head or make it more likely that he will kill
himself. So, although some men may not be very good at talking about
how they are feeling, it is important to ask if you have any suspicion -
and to take such ideas seriously. For a man who feels suicidal,
there is nothing more demoralizing than to feel that others do not take
him seriously. He will often have taken some time to pluck up the
courage to tell anybody about it. If you do find yourself feeling so
bad that you have thought about suicide, it can be a great relief to tell
someone. Some studies have shown that men who commit violent crimes are more likely to get depressed than men who don’t. However, we don’t know if the depression makes their violence more likely, or if it’s just the way they lead their lives. Many men find it difficult to ask for help
when they are depressed - it can feel unmanly and weak. It may be easier
for men to ask for help if those who give that help take into account
men’s special needs. Men who are depressed
are more likely to talk about the physical symptoms of their depression
rather than the emotional and psychological ones. This may be one
reason why doctors sometimes don’t diagnose it. It can help to be reminded that depression
is a result of chemical changes in the brain. It is nothing to do with
being weak or unmanly, and it can easily be helped. Antidepressant
medications are often an important part of getting better - and it’s
important to remember that this sort of medication is not addictive. If a depressed man is married, or in a
steady relationship, his partner should be involved so that she can
understand what is happening. This will make it less likely for the
depression to cause permanent problems in their relationship. Some men don’t feel comfortable talking about themselves and so may be reluctant to consider psychotherapy. However, it is a very powerful way of relieving depression and works well for many men. Suggestions: Don’t bottle things
up - If you've had a major upset in your life, try to tell someone
how you feel about it. Keep Active -
Get out of doors and get some exercise, even if it’s only a walk. This
will help to keep you physically fit and you will sleep better. It can
also help you not to dwell unhelpfully on painful thoughts and feelings. Eat properly -
you may not feel very hungry, but you should eat a balanced diet, with
lots of fruit and vegetables. It’s easy to lose weight and run low on
vitamins when you are depressed. Avoid alcohol and
drugs - Alcohol may make you feel better for a couple of hours, but
it will make you more depressed in the long run. The same goes for street
drugs, particularly amphetamines and ecstasy. Don’t get upset if
you can’t sleep - Do something restful that you enjoy, like
listening to the radio or watching television. Use relaxation
techniques - If you feel tense all the time there are many ways of
helping yourself to relax. These include exercises, audio-tapes, yoga,
massage, aromatherapy etc. Do something you
enjoy - Set some time aside regularly each week to do something you
really enjoy - exercise, reading, a hobby. Check out your
lifestyle - A lot of people who have depression are perfectionists
and tend to drive themselves too hard. You may need to set yourself more
realistic targets and reduce your workload. Take a break -
This may be easier said than done, but it can be really helpful to get
away and out of your normal routine for a few days. Even a few hours can
be helpful. Read about depression
- There are now many books about depression. They can help you to cope,
but can also help friends and relatives to understand what you are going
through. Remember, in the long run, this might be
helpful - It’s unpleasant to have it, but depression can be a useful
experience, and some people emerge stronger and coping better than before.
You may see situations and relationships more clearly and may now have the
strength and wisdom to make important decisions and changes that you were
avoiding before. The best place to start is your general
practitioner. He or she will be able to assess you and to discuss the
options for treatment with you. It is true that many men are concerned
that the information held by their family doctors may need to be given in
medical reports, and so may damage their chances in work. In spite of
this, your GP is the best person to approach. Depression may be due to
physical illness, so it is important that you have a proper physical
check-up. If you are already receiving treatment for some physical
disorder, your GP will need to know because of the possible interactions
between drugs. Any worries about confidentiality should be discussed with
your GP. Depression can be as much of an illness as
pneumonia or breaking your leg. We really shouldn’t feel embarrassed or
ashamed about it. The most important thing to remember is to ask for the
help you need, when you need it. Remember - depression is easily treatable. excerpt from:
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