| Myths About Male Sexual
Abuse
Myth #1 - Boys and men
can't be victims.
This myth, instilled through masculine
gender socialization and sometimes referred to as the "macho
image," declares that males, even young boys, are not supposed to be
victims or even vulnerable. We learn very early that males should be able
to protect themselves. In truth, boys are children—weaker and more
vulnerable than their perpetrators—who cannot really fight back. Why?
The perpetrator has greater size, strength, and knowledge. This power is
exercised from a position of authority, using resources such as money or
other bribes, or outright threats—whatever advantage can be taken to use
a child for sexual purposes.
Myth #2 - Most sexual abuse
of boys is perpetrated by homosexual males.
Pedophiles who molest boys are not
expressing a homosexual orientation any more than pedophiles who molest
girls are practicing heterosexual behaviors. While many child molesters
have gender and/or age preferences, of those who seek out boys, the vast
majority are not homosexual. They are pedophiles.
Myth #3 - If a boy
experiences sexual arousal or orgasm from abuse, this means he was a
willing participant or enjoyed it.
In reality, males can respond physically to
stimulation (get an erection) even in traumatic or painful sexual
situations. Therapists who work with sexual offenders know that one way a
perpetrator can maintain secrecy is to label the child's sexual response
as an indication of his willingness to participate. "You liked it,
you wanted it," they'll say. Many survivors feel guilt and shame
because they experienced physical arousal while being abused. Physical
(and visual or auditory) stimulation is likely to happen in a sexual
situation. It does not mean that the child wanted the experience or
understood what it meant at the time.
Myth #4 - Boys are
less traumatized by the abuse experience than girls.
While some studies have found males to be less negatively affected, more
studies show that long term effects are quite damaging for either sex.
Males may be more damaged by society's refusal or reluctance to accept
their victimization, and by their resultant belief that they must
"tough it out" in silence.
Myth #5 - Boys abused
by males are or will become homosexual.
While there are different theories about how the sexual orientation
develops, experts in the human sexuality field do not believe that
premature sexual experiences play a significant role in late adolescent or
adult sexual orientation. It is unlikely that someone can make another
person a homosexual or heterosexual. Sexual orientation is a complex issue
and there is no single answer or theory that explains why someone
identifies himself as homosexual, heterosexual or bi-sexual. Whether
perpetrated by older males or females, boys' or girls' premature sexual
experiences are damaging in many ways, including confusion about one's
sexual identity and orientation. Many boys who have been abused by males
erroneously believe that something about them sexually attracts males, and
that this may mean they are homosexual or effeminate. Again, not true.
Pedophiles who are attracted to boys will admit that the lack of body hair
and adult sexual features turns them on. The pedophile's inability to
develop and maintain a healthy adult sexual relationship is the
problem—not the physical features of a sexually immature boy.
Myth #6 - boys who are
sexually abused go on to sexually abuse others.
This myth is especially dangerous
because it can create a terrible stigma for the child, that he is destined
to become an offender. Boys might be treated as potential perpetrators
rather than victims who need help. While it is true that most perpetrators
have histories of sexual abuse, it is NOT true that most victims go on to
become perpetrators. Research by Jane Gilgun, Judith Becker and John
Hunter found a primary difference between perpetrators who were sexually
abused and sexually abused males who never perpetrated: non-perpetrators
told about the abuse, and were believed and supported by significant
people in their lives. Again, the majority of victims do not go on to
become adolescent or adult perpetrators; and those who do perpetrate in
adolescence usually don't perpetrate as adults if they get help when they
are young.
Myth #7 - If the
perpetrator is female, the boy or adolescent should consider himself
fortunate to have been initiated into heterosexual activity.
In reality, premature or coerced sex,
whether by a mother, aunt, older sister, baby-sitter or other female in a
position of power over a boy, causes confusion at best, and rage,
depression or other problems in more negative circumstances. To be used as
a sexual object by a more powerful person, male or female, is always
abusive and often damaging.
Believing these myths is dangerous and
damaging.
So long as society believes these myths,
and teaches them to children from their earliest years, sexually abused
males will be unlikely to get the recognition and help they need.
So long as society believes these myths,
sexually abused males will be more likely join the minority of survivors
who perpetuate this suffering by abusing others.
So long as boys or men who have been
sexually abused believe these myths, they will feel ashamed and angry.
And so long as sexually abused males
believe these myths they reinforce the power of another devastating myth
that all abused children struggle with: that it was their fault. It is
never the fault of the child in a sexual situation—though perpetrators
can be quite skilled at getting their victims to believe these myths and
take on responsibility that is always and only their own.
For any male who has been sexually abused,
becoming free of these myths is an essential part of the recovery process.
(This article is available for you to
download in M.A.L.E. Publications)
Source:
http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/2656/parentsurvivormale.html |
